


Condostuck- Act 1

by orphan_account



Series: Condostuck [1]
Category: Condostuck, Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Homestuck - Freeform, Original Player Characters, This is a Homestuck AU that has absolutely nothing to with Homestuck canon characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 12:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3291209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Condostuck is a cautionary tale- What's this shit? Condostuck is a Homestuck AU with original characters and nothing to do with the actual plot of Homestuck. It is an entire retelling with completely new characters and none of the faces you have come to know. Liked Homestuck? You may like Condostuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Condostuck- Act 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to all! Something you may want to note before reading this is that Condostuck has a partner tumblr, owned by the author! It has pictures of the characters and some little tidbits about the future! Give it a read and maybe a follow! 
> 
> condostuck-offical.tumblr.com

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all! Something you may want to note before reading this is that Condostuck has a partner tumblr, owned by the author! It has pictures of the characters and some little tidbits about the future! Give it a read and maybe a follow!
> 
> condostuck-official.tumblr.com

**Condostuck**

**Act 1- Begin**

A young lady stands in her bedroom-

** >No. **

No?

** >Try again. **

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 11th of March, 2014, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be?

**> Enter name. **

ANNOYING WEEABOO X

TRY AGAIN, SMARTASS.

** >Try again. **

NICK DELACRUZ O

**> Examine room. **

Your name is NICK. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of PRACTICE HAND BELLS are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a deep seated passion for DRAWING AND OTHER ART. You like to program video games and you are NOTORIOUSLY AMAZING AT IT. You have an odd affinity for MUSIC, and tend to COMPOSE YOUR OWN. You also love to play GAMES.

What will you do?

**> Nick: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer. **

Your arms are in your MUSIC CASE, weeaboo!

**> Remove PRACTICE HAND BELL from top of MUSIC CASE. **

Out of sympathy of Nick’s perceived lack of arms, you pick up the HAND BELL for him and put it on his BED.

** >Nick: Quickly retrieve arms from MUSIC CASE. **

You retrieve your RIFLE from the case. You use this for TARGET PRACTICE. You vaguely wonder why your rifle was even in there.

You CAPTCHALOGUE it in your SYLLADEX. You have to admit at least a little bit that your SYLLADEX totally sucks.

There are other items in the case.

** >Nick: Examine contents of case. **

In here you keep an array of musical and noise making ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MUSICIAN or a CUNNING COMPOSER.

You are, of course, both of these things.

Among the ARTIFACTS are: ONE (1) RIFLE [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF MARACAS, ONE (1) FLUTE, ONE (1) CONDUCTOR‘S STAND, ONE (1) SET OF CYMBALS, SEVERAL (~) REAMS OF SHEET MUSIC, SEVERAL (~) RANDOM BULLETS, and ONE (1) COPY OF MISTRESS MADGOIDIE’S CONCLUSIVE TEXT OF ARLEQUINADE MERRIMENT AND IMPRACTICAL MUSICAL SECRETS, and ONE (1) COPY OF THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GUITAR, BY DAVID HODGE.

Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide to just take the SHEET MUSIC.

**> Nick: Captchalogue sheet music. **

You stow the SHEET MUSIC on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.

You really hate this stupid thing. It’s really impractical and hard to get to your stuff with this. You hope that today you get a better SYLLADEX as a birthday gift.

You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining.

**> Nick: Equip that sick rifle.**

You aren't totally sure if "EQUIP" is a verb copacetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway.

Unfortunately, you cannot access the RIFLE! Its card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the SHEET MUSIC. You will have to use the sheet music first in order to access the rifle. You really should have known that. You’d normally be cool with that but the sheet music is meant for pianos and your piano is all the way downstairs.

Your SYLLADEX'S FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a STACK DATA STRUCTURE. You were never all that great with data structures and you find the concept stupid and extremely enraging.

** >Nick: Read note on drawer. **

_Nick reads the note on the drawer. “Happy birthday my daughter. May your skills ever blossom and grow.”_

You lightly groan.

The note reeks with the scents of MOTOR OIL AND INK.

Beside the note is a medium sized gift box.

**> Nick: Take the box. **

You make quick work of that and CAPTCHALOGUE the box. You wonder what’s inside.

You’ll need some way open up the box since your dad wrapped it. He can’t wrap to save his life and you can already tell he used several layers of duct tape.

** >Nick: Acquire an exacto blad e. It will come in handy. **

You grab an EXACTO BLADE from your art supplies. You might need extra back up on this unwrapping job. A pair of scissors would be best. But grabbing that EXACTO BLADE took up your last CAPTCHALOGUE CARD. You’re not dumb enough to grab something else and eject your RIFLE violently from your SYLLADEX so you’re going to have to make due with what you have.

You have a strong feeling that the next thing you do will be extremely meaningful and symbolic.

**> Nick: Screech like a rabid fan girl and shit all over your mint edition mangas. **

That has to be the absolute dumbest idea you’ve had in weeks!

IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT!

And yet somehow, the smooth shiny surface of the books... They beckon.

**> Nick: Use exacto blade on gift box. **

You use the EXACTO BLADE card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it.

** >Nick: Open up gift box. **

You use the EXACTO BLADE on the gift box and open it right up. Looks like you didn’t need those scissors after all. You look inside the box.

Hell yes. A violin. He really knows what you like. It’s absolutely beautiful and freshly varnished.

**> Nick: Check out some of your awesome posters. **

You mean your wall scrolls? But of course! You got a couple of these at Comic Con last year. Like this one! It’s a Sword Art Online wall scroll with the main characters Kirito and Asuna standing back to back. You’ve always loved this show. It’s a very interesting thing to think of, getting sucked into a game. Sometimes you like to sit back and think about what would happen if you got trapped in a game. You’d probably own when you got over the shock.

This next one is one of your favorites. It’s a totally sick Fairy Tail wall scroll. Wow, this anime was really a masterpiece. You can’t even tell how awesome it was. I mean, an anime about magic? That is so underused in this day and age. You really think that more people should give anime a chance, I mean really-

You’d better stop this madness and go do something productive.

**> Nick: Examine calendar. **

You’ve marked your birthday, the 11th of March. A couple of anime characters birthdays are also marked, along with what was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH.

It’s been four days already. You get that you live on an island in the middle of no where but come on. It should have come in by now.

**> Nick: Look at the absurd piles of books in your room. **

You take a look at a few of the absurdly large piles of books in your room. They’re mostly on C++ and programming in general. Of course, there’s a few other books in there, fantasy books and the like.

You pick up a particularly heavy tome, a book on ATH~ programming. You got the hang of it a while ago, but you’re not really sure what it’s supposed to do. It’s actually pretty hard to work with and rather tedious to program properly. You don’t like it very much but hey, it’s great practice in case you ever need it someday.

** >[S?] Nick: Play the hand bells...? **

_Loud clanging of bells is heard as Nick kicks the bells onto the floor and continues to kick them._

Hell no. Oh hell no. You are sick of these damn bells. You’ll be happy if you never have to play them again. In fact, you’re going to just dent a couple of these to make sure that you never have to play these again, or at least for the rest of the day.

**> [S] Nick: Play a haunting guitar line. **

_Nick picks up the guitar by the window and plays a haunting guitar line, all while looking out the window for dramatic effect, the words “Condostuck” in the sky, unseen to all in his universe._

Now this is something you can get down with. You’ve always loved this piece. It came from one of your favorite games and was originally meant to be played on piano but you transcribed it to be able to play it on guitar.

** >Nick: Check if any of the idiots is online right now. **

You go over to your COMPUTER. You happen to spend most of your time on this, hunched over and programming.

Your desktop is littered with a bunch of different PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES along with MUSIC RECORDING PROGRAMS. A lot of the PROJECTS are unfinished. You’ll work on those later this week.

Let’s check if any of your friends are online right now. Looking through your CHUMROLL it appears that one of your friends is indeed online.

**> Nick: Pester tremendousChronicler.**

**[Show Pesterlog]**

calandoTypist [CT] began pestering tremendousChronicler [TC]

CT: hey!

TC: Sup weeaboo

CT: come on stop calling me that every time we chat!

TC: Can’t help it that you’re such a nerd, sorry

CT: wow r00d

CT: anyways arent you forgetting something?

TC: What am I forgetting

CT: ahem it is a certain day of the month of the year

TC: Yeah it’s March 11, what am I missing here

CT: AHEM

TC: Ahem what

TC: I’m not forgetting shit

CT: A FUCKING HEM

TC: Wait a sec

TC: Something was happening today

CT: finally he remembers!

TC: No wait

TC: I lost it

TC: What’s happening today

CT: hfmp

CT: cant believe you forgot it was my birthday

TC: Oh that

TC: I already knew that

CT: so....

TC: So what

CT: “Happy birthday Nick”...?

TC: So anyway I sent your gift in the mail a while back

TC: You should be getting it today

CT: *grumbles* oh sure change the subject

CT: whatd you get? you know you didnt have to get me anything

TC: You say that every time

TC: I do it because you sent me a gift on my birthday and you live in the middle of fucking nowhere

TC: It’s only natural for me to give you a gift back

CT: well thank you!

CT: thats actually really cool and not douchbaggy of you

CT: for once

CT: and i dont live in the middle of nowhere!

TC: Where do you live again

CT: some island in the pacific

TC: Exactly

TC: You can’t even name what island

CT: im pretty sure its near hawaii...

TC: So anyway, moving past the fact that it’s a miracle you have wi-fi, did your copy of the game finally come in

CT: hmm not yet im actually a bit upset by it

CT: last time i preorder a game

TC: What have me and Jose always said about preordering games

CT: “Blah blah blah never preorder games unless there’s something in it”

CT: wait hang on a sec you preordered the game too!

TC: Yeah cause this game is probably going to be fuckin amazing

TC: That and I feel like it would have sold out had I tried to buy it in-store

CT: urgh youre impossible

CT: anyways im going to go check the mail

CT: later!

calandoTypist [CT] ceased pestering tremendousChronicler [TC]

**> Nick: Leave room.**

You guess that you’ll go check downstairs for TC’s gift along with the Beta. Urgh, but that means you’ll probably have to talk to your dad. You like the guy and all but he’s probably gonna nag you about practicing those stupid bells. Why couldn’t his favorite instrument have been the piano?

** >Nick: Seriously leave room. **

You seriously exit your room into the HALLWAY.

On the wall next to your room there’s a picture of one of your DAD’S dusty old writers. You have no conceivable idea who this guy even is. There’s also a few sentimental pictures on the wall of you and your father.

**> Nick: Go downstairs. **

The horrid sounds of ever present in your home bell music hit your ears. And you smell something odd in the air. What is that... Cake? Your father can’t cook to save his life so you assume he’s using a baking mix. You hope to heaven that it’s not BETTY CROCKER. BETTY CROCKER is the devil in disguise. Homemade sweets are much better.

You quickly realize that checking the mail will be much harder then you previously thought.

** >Nick: Look with distaste upon the radio. **

You walk over to the radio.

It’s blasting one of your father’s favorite albums, a nameless 12 hour long bell choir concert. You hate bells. You understand all music is great and all but seriously bells are just fucking annoying.

Sometimes at night, you wish that some extremely lost vagabond will come in and steal all the bell merchandise.

**> Nick: Examine large gift in the middle of room. **

_Nick looks over the oversized package, it greatly towering over her. A tag on the side of the wrapping says “Darling. You are able to do anything if you just believe in yourself and put hard work into it. I love you.”_

The package is menacing and well wrapped. You assume that your father had it wrapped as part of the package being sent to your island. You wonder how you didn’t see him sneak this into the house.

**> Nick: Open large present. **

_The gift is an enormous, complete set of official bells._

Oh fuck no.


End file.
